“Hey, let’s go to Central Asia because they have really good food!” said no one ever.
The post-soviet countries often clumped together as the ‘stans (Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan) have never been known for their rich cuisine, but there are, in fact, a few gems amongst the vats of sheep butt lard. Many things, such as the pristine mountain landscapes, (not that) bicycle-friendly roads, and the sense of discovering a place that almost nobody knows about, attract travelers to these countries, but high quality food is probably not one of them.
Something many travelers notice right away is the huge herds of sheep running around the hills with what seems to be 2 butts. The sheep are bred to have enormous butts which sag so far beyond where a normal sheep butt should be, that they appear as a giant jiggly tumor consisting of 100% fat. This badonkadonk is the “special ingredient” which appears in every meal. In Russian and in the Turkic Central Asian languages, the second butt is called kurdyuk. Remember that word, it’s important.
In the larger cities, supermarkets have a decent selection and outdoor bazaars sell great in-season produce, but in small villages many markets carry nothing but candy, instant noodles, soda, and large pieces of dead animal hanging in the sun or occasionally preserved in unplugged ice cream freezers. Eating vegetarian and filtering all water is a good way to reduce diarrhea, but this can be very difficult. Even things that sound like simple vegetarian meals, like carrot and potato soup, often come with half a centimeter of sheep fat floating on top. That sheep fat was quite possibly sitting in a bazaar for several days, unrefrigerated in 40 C heat, with flies constantly flying to the nearby outhouse, dipping their legs in everyone’s shit (sorry for that image), and back to the rotting meat counter. Tajikistan is especially notorious for its diarrhea-inducing cuisine, and at least 9/10 travelers we met there had experienced food poisoning at some point in their trip. This leads to a vicious feedback cycle of diarrhea – worse hygiene – more diarrhea – even worse hygiene…..
That’s not to say that all Central Asian food is bad — good quality grilled sheep fat is amazingly delicious. There are a few other gems in this cuisine, it just takes a bit of local knowledge and persistence to find them.
Let’s take a look at some of the most common dishes:
Samsa
Looks delicious, eh? It is, when fresh out of the tandoor. Inside the nice flaky baked crust, one can find approximately 25% onion, 25% meat, and 50% steaming sheep fat. Don’t be tempted by the day-old samsas sitting on many cafe counters. Sheep fat is a lot less appetizing when reheated in the microwave. In the more cosmopolitan regions of Almaty and Bishkek, it is possible to find cheese samsa, but in villages….good luck.
Kuurdak
Kurdak contains a lot of kurdyuk. Actually, it’s just chunks of sheep fat fried in sheep lard with a little bit of meat on the side, and sometimes a few organs thrown in the mix. This is categorized as “meat” on most menus, but as true meat is the minority in this meal, it’s more accurate to call it fried fat with meat. If you’re lucky, it’ll be served with a couple of sheep-fat-drenched potatoes or slices of raw onion. One trucker that we hitchhiked with ate this for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on the day we spent with him. He was maybe 30 years old and looked like 45.
Plov
Plov is one of the nicest options for the Western palate. It’s mainly rice, fried in a mixture of vegetable oil and sheep fat with carrots, small pieces of meat, and local spices. The sheep fat in plov is not as offensive as other dishes, since it’s soaked into the rice rather than cut into chunks. It’s one of the few Central Asian foods that is still really nice when reheated, though it gets questionable after several days. The biggest problem is finding plov made with meat that hasn’t been sitting out in the summer heat for too long.
Sheep fat shashlyk with meat and onions
Usually written on menus as “lamb shashlyk” or “sheep shashlyk”, this skewered fat with meat on a stick is grilled to perfection and is almost always served hot off the grill. Fresh sheep fat grilled to a nice golden brown is really good. If you want to indulge in sheep fat without wanting to become vegetarian afterwards, this is the dish for you.
One time at a roadside cafe in Tajikistan, the waitress convinced me to order 2 sheep fat shashlyks, and they turned out to be nearly as big as my forearm. By the time I finished the first, the second one was already cold, but, not wanting to waste the dead animal that I had ordered, I ate it. Needless to say, biking another 60 km uphill after that heavy meal was not easy. So, check the portion sizes before ordering.
Shorpa
Shorpa is a soup consisting of sheep fat, meat, carrots, and potatoes. Once we went to a cafe and asked for something vegetarian, so they served us carrot and potato soup. Sounds great, right? Not so. They had actually just served us several-day-old shorpa with the meat scooped out, but the thick film of sheep fat remained semi-congealed on top of the broth.
Stale bread with homemade jam, butter, candy, and tea
The most common meal in the Pamir mountains, and what many local people eat for 2 meals a day in the most remote mountain regions where economic opportunities are nonexistant and food supply is extremely limited. The sweet homemade jam from babushka’s apricot tree and the rich homemade butter make even the oldest rock-hard bread appetizing. For a true local experience, dip your bread in your tea to soften it up.
Ashlyan Fu
This is hands down my favorite Central Asian food, but it is mainly limited to a small region of Kyrgyzstan and originates from the Dungan people of Western China. A cold, sour, soup that contains thick udon-like and gelatin noodles, heavily spiced and perfect on a hot summer day. You have to try it to understand it.
Watermelons
Starting at about 10 cents/kilogram in the summer, you can’t not eat a lot of watermelon in Central Asia. Though they’re not the most practical thing to carry in a backpack or on a bicycle, they provide a much needed hydrating snack for cyclists in the hot deserts of Uzbekistan.
Lagman
Thick noodles stir fried with meat and vegetables, this dish is another great option for travelers looking for something not-so-far outside of their comfort zone (i.e., their sheep fat tolerance). Sometimes lagman is very greasy, but fairly often in regions closer to the Chinese border, a much lighter vegetarian option can be ordered.
Vodka
Yak milk ice cream
Yak milk ice cream is served at the bazaar in Murghab, Tajikistan. Cows don’t survive at that altitude and the village doesn’t even have electricity, so they make yak milk ice cream using a gas generator an an ancient soft serve machine.
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